Adoption direction that is. The Lord is moving and we are faithfully (although somewhat nervously) following. It's kind of like we were on a really great hiking path. The views are amazing, the trail is easy but oh so rewarding, and if you had a choice, you'd pick that exact same hiking path again and again. You return for a second hike and you think you're going to take that exact same path...that you want to take that exact same path, but your tour guide decides to veer off onto a whole other trail. You feel like hold on a minute....I wanted to go on the trail I'm familiar with. You feel uncertain because you don't know where this path leads and you KNOW where the other one does. But, you follow your tour guide anyway, because he didn't lead you wrong when he suggested the first path.
That's what this second adoption journey is turning into. We thought we had it all figured out, but apparently we know nothing. We thought we'd use the same agency as before, now we are thinking (about 99.99% sure) we're going to use a consultant instead. We thought we'd adopt instate again. Now, we both feel very strongly that our second baby is not in Wisconsin. We thought we had a grasp on the finances. Not only does every little bit we manage to save seem to get sucked up by some emergency or great need, but this adoption looks like it will be about 25 percent MORE expensive.
It's kind of scary, but God keeps whispering to me that HE is in control and he's slowly starting to show me. A few months ago, I posted about a dream that I had. In that dream, we had a little baby girl who was about two years younger than Faith. The next night, I dreamed that we had that same little girl and a new baby who was about two years younger than baby number 2. I believe wholeheartedly that was a vision from the Lord. I believe that we will be blessed by the adoption of not one, but two more little girls.
A few weeks ago, Derek came home and told me about a coworker who approached him. She knows a couple who are expecting twin girls and are thinking about adoption. This coworker knew we had adopted and was curious if we were planning on adopting again. Derek said yes, and she said that she would pass our info along to this couple. Now, it doesn't seem like it's going to go somewhere as far as us adopting these girls, but it was pretty exciting and uplifting to see how God is always working in the background, even though you are unaware of what He is doing.
Then, He gave me peace about a fertility issue. I wax and wane on this issue, but lately it had again emerged as a struggle. Every month, as my period draws near, I have become anxious about whether or not I could be pregnant. Since my cycles are not regular, it's not unusual for me to be "late." This had just driven me into such a state, every month I was right back to feeling such disappointment. Well, recently God spoke to my heart and He asked me why I was feeling anxious about this when He told me (and I believed so firmly) that our next two children would be joining our family through adoption. It was like a light bulb went off in my head and I felt (and have felt since then) such a since of relief about the issue (Don't you wish God would just lay everything out for you? I sure do.).
So, a few months ago, I called our agency from adoption #1 and put ourselves on the waiting list to start classes in January. While we've been waiting, I've been doing a ton of research on funding this next adoption. It's not that we're not able to financially raise a child, it's just that we do not have $$$$$ in cash. Who does, right? Well, I've been researching grants and loans. Derek's job finally, after years of people asking for it, as offered an adoption assistance of $5,000 per child (up to two children) per year. That is a huge blessing, because although we still have to front that $$ we know we will be getting all of it back right away (unlike the tax credit, which is reimbursed over the course of 5 years).
Well, while I was researching and we are waiting, I had started to research agencies in other states. Wouldn't it be wonderful if we could adopt in a state with TPR (termination of parental rights) that occurred in 24-72 hours. In WI it's a mandatory 30 days, and ours took almost 60! That's a long time to feel in limbo and grow attached to a baby who could potentially leave your family.
Anyway, I started to have a growing feeling that our baby wasn't in Wisconsin. I looked at a ton of agencies, but nothing felt just right. I started talking to Derek about adopting out of state. To be honest, not using our perfectly good agency that we are very familiar with is a little scary. But, this feeling wouldn't go away.
One day, while researching adoption stuff I came across a relatively new business. This husband and wife recently (w/i the last year) started an adoption consultant (not to be confused with an adoption facilitator) call Faithful Adoption Consultants. I read their facebook page, blog, website. I even Googled the husband and wife. And you know what? I really liked what I saw. I talked about it with Derek and cyberly stalked this business (in a very noncreepy way), and just felt such a need to connect with them. I e-mailed and asked a lot of questions, and had a one-hour phone consultation. Turns out that I have a lot in common with the wife, who even shares my passion for dog rescue (anyone with a soft spot for dogs in need is gold in my eyes). I've e-mailed this poor woman until the point of she's probably sick of seeing me in her inbox asking her questions. But, it's because I really feel like this is the ONE. The one who will help us connect with our child. Derek's leaning this way too.
It's pretty exciting times in our household, but also pretty scary too. We're moving into new and uncharted waters. I have such a peace about it, but change is still scary. We're praying fervently that God would work the finances for us. I know He will, but I'm hoping that we can KNOW it ahead of time.
Keep us in your thoughts and I'll keep you posted.
