Have you ever crossed paths with someone and wondered why God chose to have the two of you meet? I had that happen to me yesterday. My student teaching placement is in a classroom located within a church. Yesterday, I was helping to clean the classroom and get it ready for school which starts next week.
When I arrived back at the site after lunch, the assistant classroom teacher came up to me. She said that a woman had walked into the church looking to talk with the pastor. She was in tears, and the assistant could not find the pastor. She asked me if I would mind sitting with this woman while she tried to find him.
For over 20 minutes, I sat with this woman, who was a complete stranger. She was utterly and totally broken in spirit. She cried, and I sat in silence. I cannot express enough how incredibly uncomfortable I was. I didn't know what to say, how to relate, how to comfort...so I prayed. She did not want me to pray for her, so I prayed silently. I prayed for wisdom and guidance. I prayed that when I opened my mouth I would say the right thing. At that moment, I have to say, that my prayers focused more on me than on her. I was uncomfortable. I needed guidance. And so I prayed my selfish prayers, and I sat.
As the woman cried, she started to open up to me. Her home had burned up in a fire. She moved in with a family member, who then started to physically beat her. She couldn't stay any longer, so she went to live in a shelter and hated it there. Her car had broken down that morning. And on, and on, it went. Deep wounds that had never healed from her childhood bubbled over and mixed in with talk about the book she was reading right now, her sadness at missing the Olympics on tv because there is no television at the shelter, her accomplishments in college, and cousin who recently died from alcohol poisioning on his twenty-first birthday.
I did my best to say the right things, to try and comfort her, but mostly I sat in silence and listened. My heart went out to this woman, and I wish that I could take her pain away from her. Eventually, I was called away to my teaching duties, and she was told she could stay at the church for as long as she needed. As I left the room, I was filled with gratitude at having a reason to escape from so much raw pain. But, I could not stop thinking about her. I went to check on her a little while after I left the room. As I walked down the hall, I battled with conflicting emotions. I hoped she had decided to leave and I hoped she was still there. As I rounded the corner, I could see that the pastor had finally been found. Coward that I was, I retreated back with relief to my classroom.
I wonder why God had me cross paths with this woman. I don't know that I did her much good. I offered a listening ear, and not much else. But, I haven't been able to stop thinking about her. All day my thoughts have drifted back to her crying with her head bent in defeat. She has touched me deeply, and I only wish that I had been able to touch her life on some deeper level.
Jesus went to the cross for this woman. He took a beating for this woman. He endured verbal batterings for this woman. His Father turned His back on Him for this woman. He came back from the dead for this woman. He loves this woman.
I spared twenty minutes of my day for this woman, and dreaded it the whole time. Perhaps God had her cross my path to teach me some much needed lessons in mercy, empathy, caring, and sacrifice. I certainly have seen how self-centered and shallow I am. Jesus died for me too, and it's about time I start acting like it.
