I have had the opportunity to share our open adoption experience with some people in the last few weeks, and I can't tell you how much joy that has brought to me. It's amazing to me how God has used this adoption to touch not only our lives, but Faith's birth-family's, our families', friends', and complete strangers lives. I've grown as a Christian through this adoption experience, because God has revealed to me more about MY adoption into Christ's family. He has also shown me more about Joseph, Jesus' father who adopted him.
When people hear that we have an open adoption, a lot of times they think we must be co-parenting with Faith's birthfamily. This actually couldn't be further from the truth. I actually want to write a book tittled, It's Not Co-Parenting: An Insider's Guide to Open Adoption. A lot of people think that open adoption is weird, awkward, confusing for the child, and something they could never do themselves.
Let me just clarify, that open adoption is a broad term which means many different things. It could mean that the birthparents picked the adoptive parents, but never meet them. It could mean that the two sides meet before the baby is born, but never get together after. It could mean that first names are known and letters, pictures, and e-mails are exchanged. It could mean that you visit regularly, vacation together, and share full identifying information. We have what's considered a full open adoption (sharing of complete identifying information - names, addresses, e-mails). We share pictures ad updates on a blog just for Faith's birthfamily. We e-mail each other. We get together for visits. It is amazing.
When we started the adoption process with Faith, we picked LSS because they were local and only placed in state (which meant no traveling out of state). That was huge for us, as we already felt incredibly overwhelmed with adoption in general. The fact that LSS specializes in open adoption didn't mean a whole lot to either of us. We were okay with being picked and exchanging pictures, but not regular visits. After all, we didn't want to co-parent. I remember sitting in training and the worker saying to make sure you invite your child's birthmom to your home soon after the baby was home with you so that she could see where her baby was being raised and know he/she was loved. I looked at Derek and told him maybe we could meet at McDonald's or a park, but I could never invite a total stranger into my home to judge me.
Three years later, when I look back at those ideas, I can't help but smile at my own ignorance. When we met J, she entrusted us with her most precious thing in the whole world...her newborn baby girl. She wasn't a stranger. She was the mother of my child. She wasn't judgmental of us. She was scared of us judging her. I remember how nervous we were meeting J. I also remember that she was equally as nervous, if not more so! I was so thankful for the social worker being present and directing the conversation. We told each other about ourselves, talked about our views on parenting, why we wanted to adopt, discussed baby names, and officially matched. It was an exhilarating high wrapped up in all the uncertainty you'd expect.
Coming up on Open Adoption ~ Part Two, I'll discuss how our open adoption has evolved over the last two years...
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